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I hate the fact that men are treating me casually.

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I am 27 years old wanting love that’s everlasting but I keep getting men that treat me casually and I’m fed up with it. So I bail out on dates with these men to show them what I am worth. Careerwise, I’m going strong and everything is set up nicely. I just find treating someone “casually” very offensive because I tend to be caring, thoughtful and serious towards each individual I meet. Treating someone “casually” means that the person is not really into the person and killing someone’s precious time to find their true love who will treat them with utmost respect and love. What do you think about treating someone casually? Am I overreacting? :(

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it’s kind of hard to understand what you mean by “casually.” do you mean like casual “intimacy” ?

what do these men do? how do they treat you? examples of what bothers you?

what do you want them to do? imagine a “perfect” first date when you meet a brand new guy – how would you want him to act & what would you want him to do?

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Yes, what I mean by “casual” is the “casual intimacy”
They expect casual intimacy from me and that bothers me.
I’d like them to take me to the movie theatre or art exhibition or language exchange, talk about politics, or hot issues around the world. There are many things you can do without the intimacy. I’d like for him to act seriously and treat me with everlasting love and affection that I deserve. I had two men ghosting on me after casual intimacy.

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it’s hard i feel like – a lot of people are leaning toward casual relationships rather than trying to find their “true love.” it may be unrealistic to expect that level of love and affection right off the bat. i feel like the only way you can save yourself the trouble of those experiences is by making it clear with the guy that you aren’t looking for anything casual – you’re dating with purpose and you want to get to know him. it’s just tough with the dating scene as it is

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I thought a casual intimacy could lead to something serious and oh boy, I was wrong. I was left with 2 broken hearts. It’s my fault for letting myself go like this by the way. Honestly, I’d like to give this clear message to people that if a man or a woman is saying the relationship is casual, I’d like ladies and gents to run for a mile because, he/she is not into you. He/She’s only in it for fun and nothing more. It’s highly undignified to be in such a casual relationship and all men and women deserve a true love over a person who’s only in it for the good times. It’s highly disrespecful of someone to treat others casually because deep in their hearts they are thinking in their heads the person who’s being treated casually are just cost-effective goods for now. :( I personally think there are many narcissists out there who view others as cost-effective goods for now.

Medium

i’m sorry you went through that :(

sometimes casual relationships can lead to more, and sometimes you have to believe what they say about only wanting to be casual – it’s hard to know which one to trust. the best you can do is be as up-front as possible about YOUR needs and intentions. and all you can do is hope the other person will be as honest and compatible with you

it’s just that people have different priorities – some want to be casual and just have fun, others want to date for purpose (seriousness, marriage, kids, etc.). dating is all about figuring out if your priorities align! it’s a hard process for sure

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Useful 37

Hmmm…..feel the need to weigh in on this one. Stop looking for love and look for people who share your interests. In other words look for friends, guys that want to share a good movie, dinner, museum, and then when it’s over – go home – alone. Never give yourself up casually because you compromise your dignity when you do. I’ve been around the block a few times and I can tell you when I found the love of my life which is my husband of 26 years – I wasn’t looking for a relationship. I was doing what I wanted to do and thinking about where it was I wanted to be. Learn to love your own company. There is nothing more debilitating than a bad relationship.

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Those men are definitely jerks. I am a romantic at heart and believe every girl deserves so much more.

Where are you getting these guys from, if you don’t mind me asking?

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Stop looking for love and look for people who share your interests. In other words look for friends, guys that want to share a good movie, dinner, museum, and then when it’s over – go home – alone.

totally agree!!

& i also found my boyfriend when i wasn’t looking for a relationship at all :) it’s a beautiful thing. sometimes it’s when you’re least expecting it that it happens.

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LiveLaughLoveKelly Yes, I’ve read up on casual relationship can lead to something more. So I took my chances but I’ve failed miserably. You’re right. After hearing your perspective, I can understand how each individuals have different priorities and it was wrong of me to call people names such as “narcissist” for craving a casual relationship. I shouldn’t bring people down for wanting different goals in life.

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gmta2000, I will take your advice on stop looking for love and look for people who share my interest and look for friends. You are a wise person and thank you for expressing your thoughts on this topic. Your advice greatly helped me :)

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ChristopherPokey, yes these men are certainly jerks. Aww..It’s so nice of you think that every girl deserves better. I am getting these guys from Tinder and Bumble.

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Well first you need to put yourself on a pedestal, do not lower your standards. When I first started talking to my bf I said to him “I know what type of man I want and your not it” we laugh and joke about this now, but at the time I was serious.
Know your standards, know your worth and don’t settle for less! You are beautiful, you are smart and you deserve to be treated with respect.

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Hannah-Blake, You can make demands to a man because you’re gorgeous but, I am not that attractive as you to make such demands to a man. But I’ve got a perfect heart as you can tell. You are right about not lowering standards! I have high standard to myself and I expect my future man will also be on the same page. Thank you for your well- thought- it- through message and thank you for your lifting words that I deserve to be treated with utmost respect.

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Working with specific statements on your profile on dating sites might help this situation a bit. Most men online are looking for sex partners & you’re looking for something more long term. Or maybe signing up on more marriage minded sites & delaying sex until you get a good idea of the type of person you’re dealing with? My sympathy…things aren’t easy for women.

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You can make demands to a man because you’re gorgeous but, I am not that attractive as you to make such demands to a man.

definitely has nothing to do with attractiveness. you can make those “demands” because how else are you supposed to find a partner that’s compatible for you? you DO know the kind of man you’re looking for – and if the guy you’re with doesn’t seem to be it, then you should cut it off and move on. staying with someone who doesn’t “meet your demands/requirements” is a waste of time if you’re dating to marry. good luck!

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LiveLaughLoveKelly That’s what I have been doing I have been cutting off men who want a casual relationship with me. Thank you.